Today when I was biking on my spinning bike I got palpitations and stuffiness within 5 minutes. Instead of pushing my body to the limit, I stopped at 7,5 minutes.

Normally I would feel sad because I want to do more. A few days earlier, I biked 15 minutes without the stuffiness and palpitations for the first time in months. The first thing in my mind would be, it went well then, so I should push myself to reach the same goal.

It feels the same as the days I feel better. (Read better as a day in the life on 15% from how I was at the beginning of 2020.) When I had a better day, once or twice a month, I always felt euphoric, and I thought I was getting better. Like you are recovering from the flu. The day after this moment of joy, the disappointment was so huge. Because it still hadn’t improved.

Now, I try to have zero expectations so that I can enjoy the little things. The goals I set for a day are sleeping, eating, and exercising within my body’s limitations. Instead of judging myself for the limitations my body gives me; I try to embrace the little things I’m able to do.

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DAPHNE IN STOCKINGS is a writer with a blog telling her story about surviving blood clots, living with FVL, blood thinners, and stockings. And coping with Covid-19 twice in 2020. She's telling her story about building resilience in a physical and mental struggle to heal.