The brain fog I am experiencing is as stubborn as I am.

I just went out for a walk; the sun isn’t even up yet. I put on my running shoes. After 200 meters, I felt already stuffy, walking a bit faster than strolling. Looking at my feet made me laugh. A friend told me to put sticky notes on my shoes, so I remember where I am going.

I was thinking about my brain. What is happening? Why do I remember things sometimes, out of nowhere? And I can’t remember minor stuff I used to do on automatic pilot before?

As I am more aware of my theta state these days, I can do things that give me positive vibes. It is no rocket science; Einstein already knew how to use his theta state.

I experienced this week when I needed to function in my Beta state for too long; my brain fog got worse. It’s not the stress, talking about complex topics and the problems I have to join a good conversation. Or physical overpressure. My brain functions, remembering, listening, finding words, telling something chronological, work for a small amount of time each day. When this gets unbalanced, my brain fog gets worse for days.

When I take lots of rest almost all day, I experience a difference in my brainwave state and the brain fog. It’s like I can think better, remember better, talk better, and the ability to find my words or tell a story increases. I do this in my theta state. I want to find out if it’s getting better because I’m in my theta state when I experience something, and I’m in the same brain wave state when I need to recall.

My Beta state is taking up too much energy. Focussing during a conversation, reading and remembering, summarizing, driving a car, remembering what I tend to do, teaching my daughter, and comprehending a manual—all things I can do for a short period or not. And I forgot about it a day later, even if I wrote it down handwritten.

But the inconvenience of being in a theta state is the same as you wake up. You don’t remember your dreams nor your thoughts unless you train your awareness. For now, it seems impossible to live in a theta state constantly. At the same time, the rest of society lives in Beta state during the day.

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DAPHNE IN STOCKINGS is a writer with a blog telling her story about surviving blood clots, living with FVL, blood thinners, and stockings. And coping with Covid-19 twice in 2020. She's telling her story about building resilience in a physical and mental struggle to heal.