Once I was told that my memory and ability to read and remember would come back when I had more stamina in building up my physical health again. That was after the first time I had Covid-19. I improved psychically, but my mental health didn’t improve. After a huge setback, I tried to remain in sports. That didn’t work, because my system blocked. I still haven’t been able to unlock it. 

I learned to listen to my body and I started meditating more often. I’m learning to control my mind by creating awareness. That awareness is helping me handle the memory loss I’m experiencing in my short-term memory in daily activities. That awareness helps me to recognize my wandering mind and act on it.

As I’m still visiting doctors to get the right help, I visited a rehabilitation doctor three weeks ago. She drew me a pyramid, with tiredness at the bottom. And many reasons that can cause tiredness. All things I’m not able to influence for now, so I looked at the things I tried to influence these past months: 

  • Diet: eat healthy meals and experiment with vitamins
  • Mind: meditate, talk and write it out of my brain, be happy with all the little steps
  • Physical: listen to my body, stop when I’m tired, increased sleep by 30%
  • Connecting dots: keep track of my daily activities for three months

I couldn’t find any reason or things I could’ve done differently. Why is nothing improving, while the virus is gone and there is nothing doctors can find? Maybe it’s not the tiredness and stamina I need to work on in order to get better, because these are things I can’t control right now.

As I worried the most about my brain and mental health, the thing I didn’t worry about at all, might be the clue. I tried to train my brain by reading again. Reading with listening to a spoken book at the same time. I wanted to read again so badly. I tried in spite of the advice I was given, not to do things that had a negative influence on my mental health and mindset. During this process I added something to my circle of influence:

  • Taking notes, in handwriting, from all things happening
  • Reading in a way to teach, where I retain 90% of the information (NTI Institute for applied behavioural science)

Looking at the pyramid the rehabilitation doctor drew, I thought about more things I can influence and train:

  • Awareness
  • Focus
  • Memory
  • Speed in processing information

Sometimes I have the feeling I developed ADHD. I have trouble going somewhere and not get overwhelmed. I have these experiences in drugstores, in grocery stores, while travelling in different ways, reading, raising my daughter, and daily chores. I get lost all the time. Jim Kwik mentioned that your brain is a deleting device. It seems that mine is letting all things in and also deletes everything. The craziness in this is that my short time memory doesn’t seem to function, and yet things sometimes come back in my long-term memory after a while.

What did Covid do to my brain? There is still one thing I didn’t worry about—my senses, smell, and taste. Last week I had a moment I smelled my armpits and floor-cleaner again. This created awareness that I still haven’t gained my sense of smell back.

What if my fluctuations in lack of smell are the reason for the unpredictability the Long Covid is causing? Smell that gave me the abilities to do things before related to my memory? And are other senses like taste, hearing, sight, and touch involved in this disturbance? Are those changes I’ve experienced and still experience in my senses causing a stress reaction in my brain that keeps me losing focus, makes my heart rate go up, and gives me a hard time breathing? Is there some miscommunication between my brain and my body?

For now, I’m trying to train my brain, by following the courses of Jim Kwik. I hope to get back in control in using my brain and to create an ability to heal from the symptoms of long-term Covid.

As Covid-19 turned my life upside down, I’m turning pyramids up site down to find a way to get better by re-teaching my brain. Experiencing Long Covid is unimaginable for people who haven’t had the same experience. I know it’s not only about me healing from it. I know that when I’m able to help to find a solution, I’m helping others.

Written by


DAPHNE IN STOCKINGS is a writer with a blog telling her story about surviving blood clots, living with FVL, blood thinners, and stockings. And coping with Covid-19 twice in 2020. She's telling her story about building resilience in a physical and mental struggle to heal.