Before the summer holiday, the woman from Human Resources from my board called again to schedule a meeting. I was surprised because the company doctor told me to focus on my healing process first. And because of what happened between my board members and me, she advised a mediator.

I asked the woman from Human Resources not to call me again because I had been honest with her. I told her all about my medical issues. The way she and my supervisor handled things so far influenced my healing process in a negative way. It caused a lot of stress; I could cope with it. It made me feel terrible for over a week when I had contact with them. I didn’t felt understood and believed.

I felt like the black sheep on my board getting happy and excited about fake assignments.

At first, I didn’t know what was wrong with me. Sleeping a lot, feeling down and sad, not able to concentrate anymore. Later I noticed these things appeared when I had to meet or speak with people related to work. I had the feeling I always had to defend myself too (the women from Human Resources, my supervisor, the absence consultant, the company doctor). I was feeling bad for two weeks when I had an appointment. That kept me away from healing.

Before the summer holiday, I tried to apply to another board for a principal function. I had a lot of trouble preparing for the job interview because I couldn’t remember what I read. Because of what I had gone through, I lost my belief in a supervisor and board. In the job interview, it wasn’t me who sat there, but a woman grieving about losing a job at a board I was so proud to work for.

I noticed I was still far away from going to work again. Even if I wanted to work so badly because I love what I do. I knew I had to heal first. I wanted to do so as quickly as possible. Luckily it was almost the summer holiday, so my board was gone and unable to interrupt my healing process.

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DAPHNE IN STOCKINGS is a writer with a blog telling her story about surviving blood clots, living with FVL, blood thinners, and stockings. And coping with Covid-19 twice in 2020. She's telling her story about building resilience in a physical and mental struggle to heal.