As many people and courses mention; if your health is bad it affects all other areas of your life. Because I never experienced it in this way before, I decided to write about it. As you all know I survived thromboses 3 times, and that hasn’t been easy. But experiencing Covid-19 twice (or more) is a bigger issue for me.

That’s why I bought myself a spinning bike. It allows me to bike every day and sleep or rest in my own space. Since I wasn’t able to go to the gym anymore, and the government made the gym close just after my decision to quit for a few months, I was biking outside. I even went out for a run, but then I got this severe backpain just before Christmas it went downhill again.

My Covid-19 long hauler symptoms have gone worse too, since. I’m more tired, feeling stuffy and I have palpitations again. My smell and taste are gone again. I’m having a bit of a cold and feel chilly. I still only manage a few things a day. I get frustrated about it because I was doing well in rebuilding in September 2020. The doctor told me it’s common for Covid-19. Recovery is a long path with ups and downs.

After my clot had been solved in June 2020, I had physical therapy, went biking, and after 2,5 months, I went back to the gym. Four months after my vein was free of clots, I got back some of my stamina till the pain in my calf got unbearable. I worked so hard all these months and didn’t want to lose my stamina again.

I still have trouble accepting this, knowing and experiencing the more I fight it, the less progress I make. Since I made a list of the most important things, I stick to that. The list priorities are still sleeping, eating, resting, and exercising (walking and biking). Walking and biking are still in the first stage because I get stuffy.

Writing in English is what I love to do next. A new hobby I developed during this period of being ill. I think it’s because my word-finding problems always existed in this second language. Reading is still so hard, it still doesn’t stick. I keep on trying by listening and reading at the same time.

Because I can’t trust my own body, I’m at home a lot. When I go outside, I won’t go far from my house, and only when I had enough rest. During walks with my daughter, she tries to fast-forward me because I walk like a granny. Afterward, I always sleep for one hour or more. It felt I was going short on her as a mother. Her accepting this is a great gift for me. It makes it easier to accept it myself. Although she’s ten, I think she likes the space she gets for herself.

Taking my rest makes it possible for me to prepare healthy meals. Otherwise, I’m too tired to focus on cooking. Besides this, I have to choose activities. The acceptance that it will never be the same as before and be happy with things I can manage make it easier to cope. I also hope that starting with the basics, ruled by my body’s needs, helps me getting a bit of my daily routine back.

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DAPHNE IN STOCKINGS is a writer with a blog telling her story about surviving blood clots, living with FVL, blood thinners, and stockings. And coping with Covid-19 twice in 2020. She's telling her story about building resilience in a physical and mental struggle to heal.